Uncle Bruce
by Vi Veri Vniversum Vivus Vici
Summary: Bruce Wayne has a problem...his best friend Rachel has bestowed upon him two little girls...who end up taking over his life...and driving him absolutely crazy. can he defeat the joker before the girls make him loose his mind? story better than summary.
1. Chapter 1

The sun had just disappeared over the flat horizon, leaving a streak of red behind. The color grew dimmer as it rose to the top of the sky, changing from crimson to midnight blue. The first few stars were just beginning to flicker; there were only about three.

There was an interstate, which was the only thing for miles; save the city of Gotham, which was looming ominously in the distance. The only other thing the eye could rest on were the occasional bulletin board, promising things that were unrealistic and erroneous.

A black Mercedes Benz glided down the interstate; it was the only car for miles. The surrounding desert reflected off of the windows and doors like a mirror.

The car contained a woman, who was probably in her early thirties. She had dark brown hair, which was twisted into a loose chignon at the nape of her neck, with a few pieces hanging out around her pale face. She had high cheekbones, with permanent laugh lines around her mouth. Her piercing blue eyes had bags underneath; she yawned, her thin, red lips parting widely. She was wearing black pinstriped pants, black strappy high-heeled shoes, and and white silky blouse, with ruffles that were once meant to be puffy, but had deflated, and were now hanging like dead fish.

Due to the hour, one would think the car serene; on the contrary...

"NNNOOOOO!!!!!! SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP!!!!! You don't KNOW ANYTHING!!! STOP!!! YOU'RE TOTALLY WRONG!!!!!" A girl, who was about seven folded her thin arms across her narrow chest. Her neon blue eyes rolled in annoyance. She turned her head toward the window, flipping her light-brown-shoulder-length-hair.

"NUH UH! You just know I'm right!" screamed her sister, who was nearly two years her junior. She was tugging on the end of her long, mid-back length black hair. Her purple eyes were little angry slits against her white face. Her mother had always teased her, saying she was a 'little vampire'. Then they would laugh, and she would hug her mother. Her eyes opened a little at the memory.

"Stop being so ignorant!" The woman in the front snickered at the eldest's poor use of the word.

"You're ignorant! You.....ignoramous!" the younger cleared her throat, "listen: _Barney is a PLATYPUS from our imagination!!!!!_" The youger girl's voice was vile and off-key as she tried to sing the Barney theme song

"Nuh UH!!!! _Barney is a dinosaur from our imagination_!!!" The older spat.

In the front seat, Rachel Dawes tapped her fingers on the pale leather steering wheel impatiently. She couldn't bear this anymore. She slammed her foot down on the brake (which was hard, considering the shoes she was wearing...) The car stopped abruptly as the tires squealed in protest. The girls didn't seem to notice that their seat belts suddenly locked, and they jolted forward. Rachel rubbed her middle and index finger against her aching temples. She let her hand fall on the seat divider, and spun in her seat.

"Charlotte! Stop being so perfect!" Rachel yelled at the older girl, who cast her eyes downward in response. "Jane! Enough singing! Barney is a dinosaur! Not a platypus!" She turned back around, and pushed on the gas until the car was back to sixty miles an hour. There was a prolonged silence, which was finally broken by Jane's mousy voice.

"How would _you_ know Auntie Rachel?" Rachel breathed out through her nose, and rolled her eyes.


	2. Chapter 2

Meanwhile, on the west side of Gotham, there was an old parking garage, which had been vacant for a few months since the nearby bank had closed down. On the inside, on about the fourth level, three black Ford Expeditions rolled toward an old white van, the rotting garage reflecting off of their polished exteriors. They halted about fifty feet away from the van, and instantaneously the doors opened. Out stepped several mobster/pimps. They were all dressed in nice black suits, with chains dangling around their necks. Each man was either clutching a gun of some sort in their calloused hands, or pulling on the leashes of Rottweilers, who were all eying

"Hey Boss, I don't know about this crack pot; they say he calls himself the 'Scarecrow'." Checquen swiped his hand at his henchman's head, who jolted it backward with a scowl contorting his lips.

Meanwhile, the men from the white van opened the back, and out stepped a man dressed in a casual business suit…with a rag bag covering his face. Moroni couldn't read his expression, but he guessed it was dripping with disdain. The 'scarecrow' pulled a gun out of his pocket, and cocked it. Moroni snapped, and his henchmen opened the trunks to their cars, and released three Rottweilers, who growled throatily, and snapped razor sharp teeth toward the Scarecrow. He chuckled diabolically.

...........

Bruce's foot ached to push harder on the gas pedal. _We wouldn't want to create a scene…_His conscience scolded lightly. He scoffed. _Yeah right. No one is going to notice a tank-like car, containing the masked vigilante, Batman, which is accelerating past the speed limit, and passing every cop car in sight. Yeah, everyone is too blind to see that…_He laughed quietly at his own sarcasm. And that made his foot itch and twitch until he pressed down a little harder. The parking garage was only a mile away, and surely Checquen had not arrived yet!

Or had he?

Bruce pushed down a little harder, pushing the speed limit a bit further…and harder…and harder. He didn't notice until he was at the garage that he had nearly doubled the speed limit of fifty. A sly smile appeared momentarily, until it disappeared when he spotted the black trucks parked sloppily around the Scarecrow's van. His hands tightened around the steering wheel, applying pressure at the creases of his fingers.

_I'm too sexy for my shirt, too sexy for my shirt, so sexy it hurts_

Bruce jumped at the sound of his cell phone ringing on its charger. _Great_, he thought, _trying to stop an illegal drug exchange, and someone just HAS to be-_ He saw the caller ID, and snapped it open immediately. Suddenly realizing he had his mask on, he ripped it off. The relieved voice of Rachel pleaded from the second he picked up.

"Hey Bruce! Thank GOODNESS! Is this a bad time? Because-"

"Well actually it is-"

"I have these two little girls that I just picked up in Raustins…my sister Kelley passed away last night, and my mother is unable to pick take care of them, so she called me and-"

"Would you be so kind as to cut the chase?" Bruce interrupted, his voice agog.

"Oh, uh sure!" Rachel cleared her throat, "I can't take care of them…I'm a lawyer, you know, and I am quite intimate with…anyway…I really can't afford to have two little girls running around my house, and taking over my busy life!" There was an awkward pause.

"…and…" Bruce's car had now stopped outside of the garage, and he tapped his thick fingers in the middle console. Rachel sighed.

"AND I was wondering if you could, you know, maybe take care of the girls until my cousin is able to fly in from Kyrgyzstan. She works as a Universal exporter, along the borderline of Uzbekistan, and the next convenient time she can come is…" Rachel paused. Bruce breathed into the phone.

"Let me take a wild, out of the blue guess." Bruce cried, "you want ME to take care of the girls until your sister can fly in from Kirkoostan"

"KYRGYZSTAN! It's in the Middle East!"

"Whatever. And exactly HOW long will it take for her to arrive?"

"Well just four month-"

"FOUR MONTHS?! Rachel! Do you NOT realize what you are asking me?! I don't think you know where I am right now!"

"I DO Bruce!" She snapped. "I had ASSUMED that you would do anything for me!"

"You know what?! I can't deal with this right now Rachel. I'm sorry. I'll give you a call in about an hour."

"Okay." Rachel's voice was replaced by a dial tone. Bruce was angry now. He had the inclination that Checquen was now gone, and half way to the coastline by now. With a mighty bang, the phone hit the floor, and his foot slammed down on the gas. The car screamed forward, and up the ramp.

Man! More stupid imitators. Five 'batboys' attacked the mob dealers with machine guns and other fatal weapons. Bruce rolled his eyes in disgust, and pushed the gas pedal hard; the bat mobile crashed through the barrier, and stopped before the wide-eyed, terrified mob dealers. Bruce couldn't resist. He pushed some buttons, and sat back as his tank shot bullets at a nearby kiosk, causing the men to run in separate directions. Bruce climbed out of the tank, and ran at a nearby pretender. He threw his fist into the kid's face (he couldn't be any more than sixteen) and shoved another into a divider. The white van with the scarecrow scooted away. Bruce booked it away from the bat tank, and toward the speeding van. With a strong heave, he leaped off the ground, and onto the back of the car. Instantly, it swerved back and forth, until he lost his grip, and flew off the back. He hit the wall between the two hallways, and slammed onto the ground. Bruce rose to his feet impatiently, and approached the stone barricade. After standing for a few seconds, he leaped off the top level, and plummeted down five levels. Bruce made contact with the top of the van at the perfect moment, crushing it beneath his feet. He smiled slyly.

...........

The Batboys were sitting before him against a barricade. Bruce glared down at them in disgust, and removed their masks one by one.

There were about four of them. Two were the ones that he had attacked, and their heads were hanging in shame. Another was.....ahem.....quite overweight. And the fourth, just looked constipated.

"You shouldn't be out after dark!" He snapped, as he rose to his feet.

"We're just trying to help you!" Shouted the....bigger one.

"I DON'T NEED HELP!" Bruce growled.

"Not my diagnosis!" Shouted the constipated one. Sap.

"WHY?! What's the difference between you and I?" Shouted the over-weight one.

"I'm not wearing hockey pads." Bruce muttered, climbing into his...er....tank, and speeding off, leaving those losers to the police.

...........

Bruce opened the door to his penthouse, barely feeling the burn on the arches of his feet from the impact. He realized then that his arm was bleeding. He'd need Alfred to stitch it up. Bummer. Hot liquid oozed down his shirt. He switched on the lights, as the house lit up, and a robotic voice greeted him monotonously: " Welcome Bruce!" He threw his coat over the chair, and stretched his arms upward. The sight of his bed looked extremely inviting; he picked up his speed, and ran toward it. He was halfway air born, when a mousy voice shouted;

"UNCLE BRUCE!" he turned, and screamed as two little girls ran at him with outstretched arms. Rachel stood ominously in the shadows with her arms crossed. She had an apologetic expression; her lips were pressed into a hard line. Bruce grunted as the girls tackled him, one landing right on his dog bite. They were squealing with delight.

"Rachel!" He yelled between his teeth, "You have a LOT of explaining to do!"


	3. Chapter 3

Bruce threw the closet door open furiously. The events of tonight's discussion with Rachel had been the very one that would ruin him. The shelves were nearly bare, except for one fleece blanket, and on afghan that Grannie Wayne had sent him for Christmas the year before she passed.

Nearly a thousand thoughts were running through his head: _How could she? I thought Rachel was my friend! _Bruce wasn't one to keep 'extras' in his house, because he seldom had visitors. No extra blankets, pillows, or mattresses, let alone a bed. He recalled the conversation that they had not two hours ago:

_"Bruce I am begging you. I am working a ten hour day trying to capture Maroni and his men, AND I have my weight in reports to file for Mr. Luggod." Bruce remembers cringing at the name of Rachel's employer, and how much he slammed on batman at Rachel's company Christmas party._

_"Rachel, you are forgetting that I am the CEO of a company, not to mention batman!" he slammed his honey tea on the table. "I am busier that you!" Rachel cringed._

_"Bruce I know! But-" something shattered behind her, "but I trust you. PLUS you have Alfred, and I know that he will watch over the girls, for he has nothing better to do during the days."_

_"He DOES too!"_

_"Bruce!" Rachel held up a hand impatiently, while closing her eyes. She breathed evenly, then continued once Bruce had stopped, "I am asking-NO begging you, from friend to friend. I NEED you to take them. I'll give you anything, pay you anything-"_

_"The LAST thing I need is mon-"_

_"Let me _finish_! I will do anything, just PLEASE take them!" Bruce rubbed his forehead with his thumb and index finger, pinching the skin. Rachel's breathing was the only sound, except for occasional crashes and screams. Bruce looked at Rachel in the eyes, and groaned internally as he answered in a retort:_

_"Okay. I'll take them."_

_Rachel then blabbered on about how she would be back with blankets and everything they needed, thanking Bruce over her shoulder as she nearly skipped out of his door. Bruce didn't move from his couch, and faced forward when she had departed. His head fell on the coffee table…_

Bruce started when the youngest screamed behind him. He turned on his heels, clutching the blankets to his chest, and trudged forward, ducking as an apple (?) soared over his head, and shattered a mirror hanging on his wall. Bruce felt like he had a rain cloud over his head, pouring rain, and striking his head with continuous lightning.

He looked at the streaking girls, estimating their size, and then glanced at his thousand dollar deluxe leather couches. With a despairing sigh, he opened up the fleece blanked, and laid it on the couch. He repeated the process with the afghan. Tomorrow he would have to send Alfred out shopping for things little girls like, and for sleeping stuff.

Speaking of Alfred, he had come out of the kitchen after sealing the fridge and anything the could open with tape, on of the girls hit him in the face with a stick of deodorant.

"Well I have NEVER!" He took off after the giggling girls, and chased them throughout the penthouse. For the first time in a while, Bruce laughed, and he laughed hard.

...........

"What do you _mean_ you can't take them?" Bruce yelled at Alfred, while throwing on his coat, and zipping it. Alfred straightened his cap while replying:

"I'm sorry sir, but I have a ton of grocery shopping, not to mention the tasks you have bestowed upon me so kindly, as of last night. Take the girls to work; they have a day care program next door, do they not?" Alfred grabbed his wallet.

"Well, yeah but I mean-"

"Then it's settled sir. Forgive me sir, I'll be home tomorrow. I will even pick up the girls when I am done, so that you may commute home without them." Bruce couldn't argue with that.

...........

"SHUT UP!! YOU ARE SUCH A-"

"NO!!!" Janie shouted before Charlotte could finish. Bruce ran his fingers through his hair, while flooring the pedal in his Lamborghini. He pushed past the other cars, who honked angrily in response. _I am already ten minutes late!_ He cried, checking the dashboard clock.

"Well, you are wrong. Batman is WAY better than stupid Spiderman!" Janie retorted to Charlotte. Bruce smiled.

"Uh NO! Spiderman has got those thingies that shoot out of his fingers, and catch onto things."

"No! NO NO NO." Janie snapped, "Batman is so hot! I bed he works out in the gym for hours!" Bruce restrained from laughing.

"Oh yeah! Spiderman has hot abs!"

"I can top that! At least Batman looks good in a speedo!" Bruce slammed on his brakes (despite the angry honks again) and turned in his chair.

"WHAT??" He was almost speechless.

"Well...I had assumed..." Her voice trailed off as he put the car back up to speed.

"So who do you think Batman is?" Charlotte turned to Jane. Janie shrugged.

"Maybe that dude...Harvey Dent." She spat the name.

"Or someone in the police force!"

"Or...Uncle Bruce!" Janie pointed a skinny finger at Bruce, who started out of shock.

"Why would you assume that?" He muttered loud enough for her to hear.

"Oh COME ON Uncle Bruce! As if no one can see your EIGHT PACK underneath that suit of yours!" She giggled. He rolled his eyes with a smiled on his lips. Suddenly, the girls jolted forward when he slammed on the brakes as he was cut off by a black Mercedes. The face of Harvey Dent (curse him) smiled apologetically back at him. Bruce felt like road rage, but decided against it. A marble hit him in the back of his head, followed by snickers. This was going to be the longest four months of his life.


	4. Chapter 4

I'm sorry that it has taken me FOREVER to update. I hope I haven't lost any of you! Thanks!

Elmo the Black Rose

Jane and Charlotte ran across the crosswalk as if their lives depended on it. Behind them laid the sad excuse of a day care center. Charlotte's ringlet hair bounced, as did her azure skirt with every step. Jane's stick straight hair flew behind her like the tail of a horse. They both halted at the other side of the road, until Jane started when she realized her little black shoe was lying in the middle of the road. Charlotte shouted in alarm as Jane toddle awkwardly on one foot toward the shoe, and picked it up. Charlotte pulled her white wool jacket around her disapprovingly as Jane returned to the side. Jane straightened her purple t shirt, and zipped up her black jacket. Charlotte pointed at Jane's jeans, which now had a tear in the jeans. They both shrugged, and strolled toward Gotham central park.

...........

"That was awesome!" Jane shouted, attempting to climb onto a high bench by a fountain. Charlotte slipped on with ease. They both recalled mentally the brilliantly concocted scheme that they had performed a few minutes ago. How they had done the 'happy circle…'

_"Okay class," said the bigger woman with the curly brown hair, "this is Felix, the feelings bear." She help up a bear with crusty brown fur. "We are going to pass him around the circle. You will say your name and something about yourself." She handed the bear to a blond boy sitting next to Charlotte. He announced himself to be named, "Brian" and that he liked to "write". He handed the bear to Charlotte, blushing as he looked away. _

_"I am Charlotte, and I am a genius." She handed the bear to a fat kid named Forest (?)and who likes to eat. He handed the bear to Jane, who distastefully wiped a booger that she found on it upon the ground. _

_"I am Jane, and I am Emo." She handed the bear to a boy next to her. The two teachers stared at her in disbelief, and agreed that she didn't know what that meant. _

_Naptime. Such a silly thing. Such a perfect plan. It was practically effortless. All they did, was pull their shoes on, and run out of the door. (the teachers were watching _Days of Our Lives_). _

"Hey Charlotte! Look! An alleyway! Maybe there is a nice hobo to meet!" Jane shouted spontaneously. Charlotte smiled, and nodded.

"Let's go!" Like mice, they scurried across the grass, and into the alleyway. They approached a soggy box, and at the same time, tapped it with their feet.

"Hello? Mr. Hobo? Are you in there?" Jane yelled. Someone groaned. It rustled, and a man rolled out, grumbling.

"What what what what? What is this?" He stood up straight, and turned on his heels. Jane gasped, for she had an incurable fear of clowns.

His makeup was sloppy; the black eyes and red lips were smeared lazily, and the white face pant was tinted gray. He smiled down at the girls, as if thinking of something horrible to do.

"Hello there little ones. What brings you to my humble abode?" he asked, gesturing to the box. Jane didn't take her eyes off the face, contrary to Charlotte whose eyes followed where his hand pointed.

"We wanted to meet a nice hobo." Charlotte retorted bravely. Jane stiffened next to her.

"Oh." He turned to Jane, and knelt down to her level. "Is everything okay, sugar?" he asked her nasally. She whimpered. "Is it the scars? Do you want to know how I got them?" Behind his back, he pulled out a switchblade. "I once had a dog. I loved him, so much. His name was-" WHAM! Something rammed into the Joker, knocking him against the brick wall. Batman threw a punch at his face, knocking the Joker flat. He laughed maniacally, obviously enjoying it. "YOU! I actually have a deal to kill you!" Batman seized the moment, and thrust him against the wall. During the time he was floored, Batman grabbed the girls, and dragged them away. He yelled at them to get into the car, and they happily obliged, climbing awkwardly into the one-seat tank. Batman then jogged back to the alleyway. He did not return for several minutes.


	5. Chapter 5

"OH MY GOSH!!! I could just FEEL his abs, and his POWERFUL arms around me! AAHHHH!!!" Janie was on cloud nine as she, Bruce, and Charlotte returned to the penthouse. Bruce rolled his eyes, for he was not in the mood to listen to a spastic little girl. He threw his coat on the ground; Alfred would pick it up later. Janie took off running into the kitchen, still spazzing out, while Charlotte remained at his side. She had her arms crossed, and her eyes were narrowed suspiciously. Her small lips were pressed together tightly. Bruce looked away from her. He shuddered once he was in his room. It had felt like she was glaring into his soul.

Bruce pushed down on the 'messages' button on his answering machine.

"Hello Sir! It's Alfred here. I'm terribly sorry sir, but there was an accident in the family, so my return will be delayed until further notice. I have left the supplies with Ms. Dawes. Thank you sir." Bruce hit delete

"Hey Bruce, it's Rachel. Yeah, Alfred left all of the supplies here for the girls, so I was wondering if you could come pick them up soon. Oh! But not between six and nine tonight. Harvey (Bruce clenched his fists at the thrice accursed name) is taking me…out….Anyway, I'll talk to you later, See ya!" Bruce hit the 'save' button, like he did with every other message that Rachel left him. He looked over at his cell on the charging cord. Maybe he would've been able to talk to her if he had remembered to charge it…..

Oh yeah

Last night he had discovered that he was going to be graced by the presence of two little girls….

Ugh

There was a crash in the kitchen, followed by an outburst of hysterics, then muffled shushing. He folded his arms across his chest, and walked into the room.

The girls had managed to overturn his fridge, and the plugs, which had once been connected, where now ripped apart with sparks jumping out of the end. He checked his watch; five thirty. He still had time to find a hot date, and get down to where ever Harvey (ew) and Rachel were going. Probably to his restaurant, because it was THE fanciest joint in town. Without a word to the girls, he marched into his room, and found his best suit.

"Okay, you know the basics. No cooking or anything. Ask the man downstairs that I told him to order you some pizza, and I'll pay him later. Don't touch anything. You can watch a movie, though I probably don't have anything you can watch, and most importantly, STAY HERE!" Bruce shouted over his shoulder as he practically ran out of the Penthouse.

The girls looked up from their coloring, at each other, and then smiled evilly.

……….

Bruce had the Prima Ballerina from the Russian Ballet, Natasha, on his arm. And MAN was she hot! They were navigating their way through the tables, which were squished together. Ahead was Rachel and Harvey, sitting together at a table, staring at each other. Bruce quickened his pace.

"Rachel! Fancy that!"

"Bruce…fancy that…" She seemed surprised.

Moments later, they were sitting at a slightly larger table (which was, in fact, two tables pushed together) Harvey and Natasha were arguing lightly about Batman, which truly interested Bruce, until his phone rang:

_I'm too sexy for my shirt, too sexy for my shirt, too sexy for my shirt so sexy it hurts_

Bruce fumbled with it, and read the front

_Home_, it said

He threw it open, and practically spat into the phone

"What?" Rachel turned her head away from Harvey and Natasha, and faced him. She cocked her head, interested.

"Uncle Bruce, the man downstairs won't get a pizza for us." Charlotte's voice sounded stressed, like she had been arguing.

"Well…hand the phone to him." There was the sound of whispering, then little footsteps, then something scratching the receiver.

"Bueno?" Asked a man in a thick Hispanic accent.

"Uh, Reggie, my man. Do me a favor?" Bruce, with emphasized kindness, explained to the guy that the girls needed to eat dinner. He agreed, then there was a dial tone.

"What was that about?" Rachel whispered.

"Nothing. The girls just needed pizza and Reggie wouldn't get any for them." Rachel looked relieved

"Good! It's nice to know that they being babysat. For a second, I thought they were all alone." Rachel chuckled. Bruce shifted uncomfortably. Her face grew serious. "You left them alone didn't you?"

"Well…." Rachel scoffed in disgust. "When I left them to you, I thought you were going to be more mature and responsible! I guess not." She turned back to Harvey, and planted a kiss on his head. Bruce scowled.

"Then why don't you take them back?!" Rachel turned back to him.

"I'm not having this discussion." And they indeed, had no other discussion for the remainder of the night.

……….

By the time Bruce had returned to the Penthouse, he was on a rampage. The sounds of screams, and chainsaws filled the room. He wandered over to the T.V. where the girls were watching Saw 4. Charlotte looked intently at the T.V. while Janie was cowering in the crook of her sister's arm. Bruce turned on the light, and both of the girls jumped.

"Having fun?" He asked, his tone annoyed. Janie returned to a sitting position, while Charlotte turned off the T.V. She looked at Bruce with that suspicious glare. He glared back. Janie, sensing tension, nudged Charlotte as if giving her a cue. Charlotte opened her mouth:

"How was dinner Uncle Bruce?" Her voice was curt.

"Er, good, I guess." He looked down awkwardly

"HA!! YOU'RE _LLYING_!" Janie shouted while she pointed her finger at him. Charlotte slapped the arm of the couch.

"No!! Have you gone daffy?! I told you to say that when he denied it!" Janie looked down.

"Oh." She muttered. Now Bruce was confused.

"What?" was all he managed

"Oh COME ON Uncle Bruce! We know that you're Batman." Charlotte snapped. Bruce felt his heart skip a beat.

"Er…." Smart girls, "no I'm not…..?" He had been caught. Poo.

"Yes you are! We know everything!"

"Fine I am! Okay?! But if you tell anyone, I'll……" He thought of the right threat to give to little girls. "How did you find out?"

"We actually didn't know for sure, but you just confirmed out beliefs." Janie had a finger raised in the air matter-of-a-factly. Bruce felt stupid now. He had just fallen into the trap of two brilliant little girls.

How embarrassing.

"Um, off to bed with you." He motioned to his bed, then realized that, technically, they were in bed. He shrugged. "You know….just….." He turned on his heels, and was out of the room before another word could be said.


	6. Chapter 6

Bruce was awakened by a blood-curdling screaming coming from the other room. He was out of his bed in an instant, and running across the penthouse floor in his pajamas and t-shirt. He was loosing his footing by the time he arrived to find Janie sitting up straighter than a plank, and as white as a sheet. She had sweat running down her face like she had just run three and a half marathons.

"DON'T TAKE ME!" She had screamed, "PLEASE! NNOO!! AAHHH!!" Her small eyes were rather wide, and staring ahead. She was breathing rapidly. Bruce ran to her side, and scooped her up effortlessly. She threw her arms around his middle, and buried her face into his shirt. Her shoulders were shaking with sobs. Bruce held her tight, anticipating what to do next.

"U-u-u-u-ncle Bru-u-uce! It w-a-a-as awf-f-f-ul!" Bruce ran his hands through her hair, and kissed the top of her head. She pulled her head up, and looked straight up at him. Her eyes were soft, as if the very thing she needed right now was a parent. And He, Bruce Wayne, would have to be the parent. At that moment, it felt like he had a personal revelation. Something just, clicked. He understood what needed to be done about these girls. Still cradling Jane to his chest, he stood up, going out of his way to not wake Charlotte (how she'd slept through that, he'd never know) and made his way across the cold wooden floor, and into the kitchen. Once he had placed Jane on a counter, he approached The Cupboard. That cupboard had the Wayne family's secret recipes in it. Bruce, not being a chef, had NEVER looked at them. EVER. He opened on of the doors (which creaked) as if there was a ticking bomb inside. The books were yellowing on the edge, but other than that they were in stable condition. He grabbed one that said 'cookies' on the spine, and cracked it open (literally, cracked). The first recipe he saw was the very one his mother had used when he woke up screaming. Huh.

He placed a stick note on that page, closed the book, and turned to Janie, who was now laying on her side, staring at him curiously. Bruce walked over to her, picked her up again, and placed her on the ground. He crouched down to her level, and looked at her in both purple eyes.

"Janie bear, would you like to make cookies?" Janie, slightly taken about by Bruce's loving approach, nodded slowly. Bruce smiled, and retrieved a chair from the bar. He helped her up, and placed a mixing bowl in front of her. She looked at it in interest. Bruce cracked open the book (literally) once again, and read the recipe out loud to her. She smiled shyly, and looked up at him.

"Uncle Bruce, where are the eggs?" She asked politely.

"In the fridge Janie Bear." He pointed at the fridge (which is magically fixed!) and she walked toward it. With a grunt and a tug, she pulled open the door, and plucked three eggs from the carton. She smiled eagerly (as did he) and practically skipped over to him. Out of nowhere, she lost her footing, and dropped an egg onto the tile floor. She about cried, while she carefully placed the others in the bowl, and grabbed a towel. She stopped short when a small chuckle escaped Bruce's lips. She looked surprised, but when she realized he was taking her little accident light-heartedly, she too began to laugh.

After the egg was cleaned up, and the replacement (along with the other two) was mixing in the bowl with butter, brown and white sugar, shortening, etc. They were sitting on the ground, both leaned against the sink, sipping juice from a cup.

…………….

The sweet smell of double chocolate cookies filled the air, and had Charlotte turning on the couch. She opened her eyes delicately, and turned toward the kitchen, where laughter filled the air as well. She rose to her legs, and toddled over to the doorway.

Bruce and Janie were flicking juice at each other, laughing the whole way. Charlotte felt a pang of jealousy, until she too was splattered with tiny droplets of juice. Not that much later, they were having a full-out food fight. Whip cream, apple bits, and carrots were flying across the kitchen.

Just then, Alfred quietly opened the door, only to duck as a whole apple (?) soared over his head (déjà vu?) and crashed into the mirror in the hallway behind him. He hastily stepped in, and closed the door. Bruce, Charlotte, and Janie didn't seem to notice his return. He stepped into the kitchen, only to duck once again. He placed his hands on his hips, and looked at them sternly. They all froze, Bruce holding a carrot in midair, Janie and Charlotte fighting over a kitchen fork. Alfred shook his head.

"Having fun?" He tried oh so hard to hide his amusement. Bruce smiled innocently.

"Alfred! You're back!" Charlotte and Janie stifled laughs.

"Yes sir. Pray tell, what are you doing?" He walked forward.

"Um, making cookies!" Bruce pointed at a tray of cookies, contorted into different shapes (Janie was trying to be creative). Alfred shook his head while clicking his tongue.

"Sir, it's five in the morning, and you have a, ahem, meeting with Lieutenant Gordon. Chop chop!" He clapped his hands together, and motioned for the girls to head back to bed. "You two need to shower before laying on those couches!" He smiled. "You're all dirty! Look at you, having a bloody good time without me!" The girls smiled back, and nodded.

"Good night Alfred!" Charlotte hugged him, then ran into Bruce's arms. "Good night Uncle Bruce!" She jogged into the family room. Janie hugged Alfred, and walked over to Bruce. She looked up at him with those beautiful eyes, the whispered to him, "Good night Dad…I mean, Uncle Bruce." He kissed the top of her head, and watched her run off like her sister. He smiled.


	7. Chapter 7

Bruce felt like a zombie when his alarm buzzed a few hours later. He rolled, and slammed his fist down on the snooze button.

7:30

Bruce propped his head into the palm of his left hand, and continued to stare intently at the clock. Just then, the lights were turned on, and Alfred stood in the doorway holding a tray with his breakfast shake, twelve eggs, and six sausage logs. He yawned, while rising in to a sitting position. He rubbed his face, while yawning again. By then, Alfred had set the tray down, and was nearly out of the room.

"Alfred." It sounded more like a tattle-tale voice, but at least Bruce got his attention. Alfred halted, and looked over his shoulder.

"Yes sir?" Bruce threw his covers aside, and zombie-walked over to Alfred. He pulled a list out of his pajama pants pocket, and handed it to Alfred, who looked it over (giving Bruce a weird look every other second.) "Sir? What is this? _Parenting for dummies, Dr. Spock's guide to parenting, subscription to parents weekly?_ This wouldn't have anything to do with last night, would it sir?" He stared at Bruce suspiciously.

"Everything Alfred." He tapped Bruce on the shoulder, and continued to stride past him, and into the family room where the girls were sleeping. He looked at them, so peaceful. Alfred, of course, would be spend the day doing funeral arrangements for a cousin he's never met…hmm…He would have to find a babysitter. But this would not be an average babysitter. She needed to be perfect for these girls. Bruce made his way over to the Mac, sitting atop the desk. He fired it up, and began his search.

…………..

"Can you get him to talk?" Bruce grunted. He was sitting atop the roof of the police building. Harvey Dent (grrr) and Lieutenant Gordon were standing with him. They were, of course, talking about Lao.

"I can get him to sing." Harvey snapped. Bruce turned away when Dent and Gordon weren't looking, and jumped off the building. He snapped out his wings, soaring until he landed near the bat mobile.

………….

When Bruce threw open the door to his penthouse not much longer, Charlotte and Janie were coloring pictures of Barbie, while a line of about fifty girls looked down at them. They ranged from ages 14-41. It was scary. But only one, a girl of about sixteen of seventeen, was coloring _with_ them. He cleared his throat, and walked into the middle of the room. The girls/women looked at him anxiously. He nodded toward the kitchen table, and turned. The first girl in line followed him

………….

If first impressions were the things that determined if you like someone or not, then Bruce would hate 90% of these girls.

The first one was wearing pink (his LEAST favorite color), and spoke too fast for him to understand. The second was an old lady, who looked old enough to be on of the original Pilgrims. She was, ahem, very crabby.

The rest were basically like that. The interviews were all like those cliché movies that are so predictable they're almost surprising.

Until he reached the last one.

It was the girl who had been on the floor coloring when he had entered. She had long, thick, hair which was a dull brown color. Her eyes were wide-set, and a very light blue, with a small nose and wide lips. She sat down in front of him, and opened her mouth to talk, but was cut off by Bruce rising to his feet. He faced the crowd of girls, who looked at him eagerly

"Everyone go home! I've found the sitter." He looked down at the girl, who returned a look of surprise. Bruce sat back down, ignoring the scoffs of protest, and the hateful glares coming from the girls. He turned to the girl.

"What is your name?" He asked, waving Charlotte and Janie over.

"Adara Span." She extended her hand, and Bruce shook it. She had a firm grip.

"And how old are you?"

"Almost seventeen sir." He nodded.

"You're hired. ALFRED!" Alfred was already standing next to him.

"Yessir?"

"I need a plane to take me to Hong Kong. Um…I'll explain later. But for now can you explain to Miss Span what we expect of her?"

"Yessir." Alfred bowed his head, and looked at Adara. Bruce turned, and headed for his room, where he would need to pack for his special trip to Hong Kong to meet Mr. Lao.


	8. Chapter 8

From the towering height of 550 feet, the denizens of Hong Kong looked like microscopic parasites, running about, attending to their every day…er…night business. Here and there people were getting in and out of cars and taxis, but for the most part, the streets were packed with rushing cars. There were few lights in the surrounding sky scrapers, save those few businesses actually open at all hours of the night. Below, one could hear the hushed murmur of the people coming out of bars, yelling, laughing.

But of course, Bruce didn't care about them.

He was here with one intention: capture Lao, and bring him back to Gotham alive. He pulled a small clock out of his utility belt, and peeked at it before stuffing it back into the pocket designed for it.

12:18

_Time to move in_. Bruce held the small bomb launcher up close to his face, and turned the dial, until the tiny red glowing numbers read 2 minutes, thirty seconds. He then charged it up with a few pumps, and aimed at the close-by office building.

This was just too easy.

Bruce pulled the trigger, firing so the bombs stuck to the building at different positions along the south wall. He lowered his gun. Taking deep breaths, he prepared himself for the plunge he was about to make into the cold air below him. He closed his eyes, and with his legs bent, leaned forward…

"HI UNCLE BRUCE!" yelled a high voice at probably THE most spontaneous, and inconvenient time ever. Bruce started, which, of course, caused him to turn toward the noise. Unfortunately for him, when he put a leg behind him to pivot, there was no hard stone ledge.

You can guess what happened then.

With a truly horrified yell, Bruce tumbled off the edge of the building, and was now free falling.

Charlotte screamed, grabbed Janie by her lapels, and slammed her against the wall.

"WHAT HAVE YOU DONE?!?!" She yelled. Janie's face contorted into a scowl of agony, and shook her sister off, and ran to the edge. She looked over, searching for a sign of Bruce.

"OH MY GOSH! I'VE KILLED UNCLE BRUCE!" She screamed, pulling her hair, and bowing her head. It was then, that she noticed a large bat gliding through the air. She stood up straight, and pointed at it. "Look! There he is!" She looked proud of herself, though she really did nothing. Janie smiled, and squealed with delight. They both watched as Bruce folded his wings, and zipped through the windows of a nearby office building. They both stood there awkwardly for a few moments, until Janie piped:

"Now what?"

…………..

Bruce dug is fist into one of the security guard's face, practically breaking it. He elbowed another in the solar plexus, and kicked one…well, you know. He grabbed the horrified Lao around the waist, and took a moment to assess the situation. Four more guards were closing in. Firing a gun-like thing, he sent a flashing balloon type thing into the air.

"Hey Uncle-" Bruce turned on his heels, and silenced Janie before she could say his name. The guards looked at the girls, some cocking their heads to the side with a puzzle expression. Charlotte just looked proud.

"Aren't you proud? Wanna know how we got down here? See that-" Charlotte was cut off by the sound of an approaching jet. Bruce quickly secured Lao, tying him to his waist, and threw the girls a line.

"Put this around your waist, and hold on for dear life." He growled in his "Batman-ish" voice. The security guards still looked stunned and utterly confused, but decided they were actually going to do their jobs, so they lifted up their guns, and aimed.

But it was too late.

The jet grabbed the balloon, and yanked. Before they could do anything, Bruce and Lao were airborne, with two girls (who were screaming hysterically) in tow.

Bruce climbed into the back of his jet, and threw Lao aside.

"Take care of this." He pointed to the horrified man, quivering on the ground. Charlotte and Janie were both shaking from the shock, but looked at Bruce, who was dialing his phone faster than one would think possible, while glaring at the girls.

It rang four times before Rachel picked up. She sounded tired, and a bit surprised.

"Bruce?"

"Rachel! I left those two girls with you, but what do you do? You-"

"Harvey! Shh! I'm on the phone with Bruce!" She giggled, and the sound of kissing filled Bruce's ears. "Look, the girls are both in bed, safe!"

"Think again Rachel!" He held the phone out toward Janie and Charlotte, who muttered "Hey Aunt Rachel", sounding really ashamed. Rachel gasped.

"What are you two doing there?! You are in so much trouble! When I'm done with you, I'll-" Bruce cut her off.

"Look Rachel, since you just couldn't wait to get rid of these girls, and lay them on me I'll be the guardian right now. Therefore, I'll do the punishing." He snapped curtly.

"Bruce, look, you don't have to be that way." Again, Bruce cut her off.

"Rachel, I'm not in the mood. Maybe all that sleeping with a moron has finally gone to your brain!" He was completely taken aback by what he had said.

Apparently, so was she.

When Bruce was always a young boy, he would play many card games with his parents. Sometimes he would lay down a card, but try to take it back suddenly because he realized that he had a better one. But his father would say to him, "Bruce, a card laid is a card played." This would irritate him, and he would grudgingly place it back in the middle.

Unfortunately, this rule applies when things are said in real life.

There was a long pause.

"Maybe Batman has gone to your head. Or have you not noticed how you've put everything off in life that matter most, including your friends." Her voice made Bruce's sound friendly. There was a dial tone. Bruce swore, throwing his phone against the carpet wall. It shattered into a thousand tiny pieces.

"You made a swear." Janie whispered. Bruce wanted to yell at that miserable little girl, but he had neither the time nor the energy to do so. Now Lao looked truly horrified. Alfred, who had just entered the room, just looked astounded.


	9. Chapter 9

The next morning, after sleeping for four hours, Bruce walked like a zombie into the bathroom. He turned on the gold faucet, and let the water flow onto his hands. After splashing his face a few times, he placed his head in his hands.

Why?

Why was he so rude to Rachel? That was totally out of line. He had to apologize to her. But first, give the girls some breakfast, and get to work.

By the time he reached the kitchen in his Armani suit, Adara had arrived, and was helping the girls build a tower out of kitchen cups. She looked up at him, and smiled. Janie and Charlotte looked up at Adara, who nodded. Both girls hopped down from the bar stools, and ran over. Throwing their arms around his knees, they both began to sob.

"I'm sorry Uncle Bruce! We didn't mean to ruin your relationship with Auntie Rachel. We just really missed you!" Charlotte cried.

"Yes! We meanded no harm!" Janie sniffled. Bruce, bending over, wrapped his arms around both of them.

"It's okay. But don't apologize to me. You need to apologize to Auntie Rachel too." He looked them in the eyes. "Understand?" They nodded.

"Hello." Rachel's voice was cold. Bruce cringed, but opened his mouth.

"Rachel. Um, we have two little girls here who have something to say." He handed the phone to Charlotte who held it between hers and Janie's heads.

"Auntie Rachel! We're so sorry! We understand that what we did was wrong, and very rude to you and Uncle Bruce!" Charlotte sounded sincere. Janie just sniffed.

"You guys are okay, just don't do anything like that again." Rachel's tone was forgiving. Janie giggled, then handed the phone to Bruce.

"Hey." Was all Bruce could say.

"Hi." There was an awkward pause.

"Look, Rachel, I…um…"

"No Bruce, um I'm really…" No more words needed to be said. The apology was mutual.

"Okay, tell De…..um Harvey that his party is tonight at my penthouse."

"All right."

"I'll see you."

"Bye." Bruce hit 'end', then threw the phone toward the couch. Alfred, who had come out of nowhere, caught it without hesitating.

"Sir, are we ready for breakfast?" Alfred walked toward the stove, and switched it on. Bruce sat at the bar, between Charlotte and Janie. Adara sat on Janie's left. Alfred looked around. "I'm taking orders." Bruce reached for the newspaper, and cracked it open.

"The ususal." He sounded bored.

"Um, I want sausage and French toast." Said charlotte. Janie thought for a moment, then replied:

"I would like some apples with peanut butter and sausage. I haven't had peanut butter in forever, and I really miss it!" She sounded excited. Alfred nodded, then looked at Adara.

"Um, I'll have what they're having." She pointed to the girls.

Not ten minutes later, they were munching happily on the food. Bruce chugged his protein shake, then rose to his feet.

"Okay Adara, you know everything. I'll get my shoes, and I'll be gone in a few. Just help yourself to anything in the kitchen. Heaven knows if you finish anything off I can easily replace it." Janie coughed. Bruce left the room and ran into the bathroom. He downed an aspirin, then packed the bottle in his briefcase. From the kitchen, he could hear some kind of panic. He turned, then ran into Adara as she flew into the room.

"Bruce! Come quick! Janie isn't breathing!" Bruce didn't know he could run that fast when his heart stopped. Sure enough, like, point five seconds later he was in the kitchen. Janie was lying on the ground, and her face was every possible color of blue. She was holding her throat, and gagging. Bruce yelled for Alfred, who was in the room instantly

"Yessir?" But his eyes noticed Janie sprawled on the ground. Charlotte was sobbing, while holding her sister's hand. Within seconds Alfred had 911 on the phone.

The back of the Ambulance was bumpy. Bruce cursed under his breath. But that hurt him, remembering Janie's cute little remark, "You made a swear…" The stupid driver was probably hitting every pothole he saw. Janie had a tube in her arm, and a heart monitor at her side. Three doctors stood around her, checking different things. By this point, she had passed out. Bruce eyes stayed on her tiny face, so blue. So peaceful looking. The heart monitor bleeped in the background. The slower her heart beeped, the faster his beat.

"Will someone tell me what is going on with her!?!" His voice was panicked. One of the nurses, who was probably ten years older than him, looked him in the eyes.

"Sir, she's gone into shock. We're trying to revive her."

"But WHY?!"

"We don't know. When we get the Gotham General, we're gong to run some tests."

"WHAT IF SHE DOESN'T MAKE IT?!" Bruce was outraged.

"Sir, please calm down! There's no need to be like this! She's going to be-" At that moment, the heart monitor went flat.


	10. Chapter 10

The whole ambulance was in pandemonium. The nurse that had addressed him, grabbed two paddles, and handed them to the doctor. He rubbed them together, and pressed them into Janie's chest.

"Clear!" He shouted. There was a small whir, and then her tiny body jolted. Bruce jumped. He turned his back to the scene, and pressed his nose into a corner.

_Come on Janie, pull through…COME ON!_

After a few more shocks from the doctors, Bruce became exasperated. Before thinking, he turned on his heels, and ran over to her. Shoving a doctor aside, he pressed his ear to her chest. There was still no heartbeat. Now he was furious. He slammed his fist into her chest.

_Beep……………………beep…………………………beep_

The doctor looked at Bruce, astounded. He had just brought back a little girl from the dead.

……………..

"You're not going to believe what caused this." The same nurse looked at him.

"Astonish me." Bruce had his arms folded.

Behind them, Adara, Alfred, and Charlotte were gathered around Janie's bed, where she was coloring a face on a hospital doll. Alfred had bought her a humongous, fluffy dog, who she had named Peanut. It was sitting at the end of the bed. From the window, you could see the city in all directions. Gotham General was in the center of the city.

"Well, it was an allergic reaction." Bruce about fell over.

"WHAT?! All of that because of an allergic reaction?! You've gotta be kidding me!"

"Well, Mr. Wayne, if one is massively allergic to something, they could die from shock, or the heart shutting down like hers did." She gestured over to Janie. Bruce nodded.

"So what is she allergic to?" He asked.

"Peanuts." Peanuts?! Crap. Peanuts were in, like, everything. Bruce rubbed his forehead, pinching skin between his thumb and forefinger.

"So what do we need to do?" This was way too deep. The Joker had probably blown up half of Gotham by now…and Janie was allergic to peanuts…oh boy. The nurse turned, and left the room. Bruce sighed, and walked to the bed. Adara, Charlotte, and Alfred all turned their heads up the him at the same time. Bruce absentmindedly popped a few Tylenol, then sat next to Janie.

"Hey there. How are you doing?" He took her little hand in his, and traced circles on the back. He couldn't look her in the eye.

"I'm doing better. I'm just sleepy." She yawned, and stroked Peanuts (heh…peanuts….odd coincidence).

"Janie, you need to understand something." He paused, and cleared his throat. "Do you know why you're here?"

"Because I'm sick."

"Not quite. Um…do you know that peanut butter you ate?" Janie nodded, "that's what made you sick. If you eat anything with peanuts in it, you'll get sick again. And that's not fun." The nurse returned then with a small box. She opened it, and took out a cylinder about the size of those pens where you hit the little lever things to get different colors. She held it up.

"This is what you need. If Janie starts reacting again, you need to do the following; remove this cap right here," She tapped a gray cap on the top of the thing, "and put it right here." She dug that same finger into the muscle of her outer thigh. "Ten seconds after you take the cap off, a needle will pop out here," She tapped the black tip, which had a tiny hole in it. "Now you don't want to cover this with your hand, or you'll stab yourself. Understood?" Bruce nodded. Remove, poke, stab with needle. "After all of this, call 911 immediately." She then handed him a few pamphlets, and thanked him. Picking Jamie up like a fragile doll, he carried her out the door, with the other three on his tail.

………………

"For every day that the Batman doesn't turn himself in, people will die." The Joker pressed his ugly mug against the camera. "I'm a man of my word. HEHAHAHAHAHA!!" The poor victim in the background screamed, and the screen went fuzzy.

Bruce sat open mouthed at the Joker's ultimatum. This was a ton of pressure to be on his shoulder, especially because Harvey's party was tomorrow (Bruce had to postpone it) and knowing the Joker, Harvey was on the top of his hit list.


	11. Chapter 11

_Dear readers,_

_I'm terribly sorry that it has taken me this long to update my story. I've had a case of writer's block that has kept me up at night…err not really but you understand. This chapter is kind of long because I have a terrible twist, but I'm not going to keep putting off Harvey's party. Thanks for being patient! _

_------small F.Y.I. I've changed my pen name to Vousman Evanescence. Don't ask. _

_Cheers, Vousman Evanescence_

By the time Bruce woke up the next morning, there were already three or four people bustling about; one taking measurements of the ballroom, one comparing color swatches, one taking notes, and another conversing with Alfred, who was clutching a piece of paper with his fancy, slanted writing on it. Bruce averted his eyes about the room, searching for Janie or Charlotte. Neither were there, so they must be in bed.

"Good morning Uncle Bruce." Charlotte yawned, tying her bathrobe. Speak of the devil. Janie was right behind her, stretching toward the ceiling. She spotted Bruce, and ran toward him. She threw her arms around him.

"Alfred told me that you saved my life Uncle Bruce! Is that true?" Her wide-set purple eyes were so freaking innocent. Bruce scooped her up, and looking into those eyes, and replied yes, he had. She smiled like a tiny angel. "Thank you Uncle Bruce!" She wrapped her arms around his neck.

"I see Janie's taken a shine to you." Bruce started, and about barfed his guts from surprise when he heard that too familiar voice. Rachel was dressed in a pin-stripe pencil skirt with a silk blouse underneath, and a jacket to match. Her hair was pulled up into a tight bun with a tiny strand of hair falling rebelliously near her left eye. Her face was light; friendly looking. She looked at Janie. "I heard you have a nasty allergy to peanuts!" She smiled, looking in a mother-like way. Bruce couldn't help but smile as well. Rachel's smile disappeared, but she still had a twinkle in her eye.

"Bruce, I need to talk to you." Releasing Janie from around his neck, and muttering something about breakfast to Alfred, he followed Rachel into the living room. Rachel sat on his couch, and straightened her skirt. She opened her mouth;

"I think there's something you need to know about the girl's background." She paused. Bruce nodded.

"Okay, my sister Lynn, their mother," she gestured to Janie and Charlotte, who were enjoying banana berry smoothies at the kitchen bar, "married when she was about sixteen. They were both drunk, and of course it seemed like a good idea….plus she was….expecting…" Rachel looked at her hands, which were twisting in her lap, "anyway, the man's name was Cory. He was about twenty six, but he claimed that he loved her! I've met him! He was a good egg! And if age didn't matter to them, I didn't matter to me. A few years later, Janie was born. But by then, Cory had bigger problems than an ornery, twenty year old wife." She paused, and sucked in her breath.

"Apparently, he had made a deal with a man, who they call Jack Napier. They met at a bar. Jack had a few cheap hookers, and Cory was drunk. Jack promised to pay his bill if Cory would let him do something. Again, Cory was massively intoxicated…um…" Her voice cracked, "So Cory had his fun, and the next morning, he met with Jack. But of course his vision was blurry last night, so he didn't notice…." Rachel couldn't speak. She drew an imaginary line from the corners of each side of her mouth to that the cheek bone just diagonal from it. "Two scars on either side of his face. Before Cory could do anything, he could feel the blade in his mouth."

"He came home the next day, and told Lynn that he had gotten in a fight, but he was okay. For some reason though, after that, he was never the same. This encounter had melted his brain. But of course, he would carry this secret to the grave. He always seemed…distant….morbid….disturbed? For lack of a better word." She cleared her throat. By this point, Bruce was holding her hands in his. "Janie and Charlotte were small girls. But one night, he became drunk again. This was now a habit of his, about five times a week. One night, Janie did something to anger him. He began to…..to….." she sobbed, "beat her. Charlotte tried to stand up for her sister, but the same thing happened. Lynn tried to stop, but she was beat too. This continued for a few years. One night, Cory threatened to stab Lynn, but she grabbed a gun to defend herself. With the girls in bed, he…." She sobbed once more, "shot my sister. Shot her twice in the head. Then he took the knife, and…" She pointed to the corners of her mouth, "by this time, the neighbors had called the police. Cory was arrested. Last I heard, he was rotting Arcum Asylum, throwing a crazed tantrum every hour or so. I don't know what this Jack Napier did, but there will be the devil to pay if I ever see him again." Rachel had tears running down her cheeks.

"How long ago was this?" Bruce whispered.

"About six months ago. My family has been paying for brain washing, hypnosis, counseling…anything to make the girls anywhere NEAR normal again!"

"So that's why Janie…called me dad…"

"You're the closest thing to a father she's ever had. Bruce, I'm sorry to ask this of you, but can you be the father figure until my other sister comes from the Middle East?" Bruce nodded.

"Of course. I feel obligated." Rachel broke down into hysterical sobs. Bruce wrapped his arms around her.

"Thank you Bruce. I'm sorry! I'm so sorry."

"Rachel, I don't care. So this Jack Napier…could he be…." Bruce didn't need to finish.

"Sir?" Alfred's voice was cautious. "Am I interrupting something?" He was still holding that paper.

"No Alfred. Carry on. I'll fill you in."

"I've told Miss Adara that we won't be need her until five. Is that all right sir?"

"Yes. Thank you Alfred." Bruce was sincere.

………………..

Janie's arms were folded across her chest. If there was one thing on earth that she hated more than clowns, it was dressing up. She folded her arms across her chest as Adara tied the satin ribbon around her waist. The dress was yellow with purple polka dots. It had frilly sleeves, and a frilly bottom. The worst thing? It was made out of, gulp, silk. Janie's beautiful hair was pulled up into sort of a flippy pony tail thing with black curls falling down her neck. Charlotte's dress was pink with red polka dots, and looked the same. But she was enjoying it. She put on that one dollar lipstick you get at the convenience stores, and admired herself. Adara couldn't get her from before the mirror.

"Okay girls. I'm dead serious." Adara took a look at her hair, which was pulled into a chignon at the nape of her neck. _Her_ dress was crimson, and fine fitting to her hour glass shape. It had cap sleeves, and a v-neckline that plunged about two inches from the collar bone. Bruce walked in, doing up his cuff links. He took one look at the girls, and gasped, falling over with emphasized shock.

"WOW! I've never seen this many pretty girls in a concentrated area!" He hyperventilated. Janie scowled, while Charlotte flounced about the room, laughing.

"Hey Bruce. I was just telling the girls they had to be on their best behavior." She looked right into their souls. Both nodded angelically. Bruce smiled with approval.

…………………….

"Parties suck." Janie whispered to Charlotte. "All people do is drink, and _talk_. What's so fun about them? All that's happened tonight is a bunch of people schmoozing over our adorableness." Janie and Charlotte sat in the corner of the grand ball room, where hundreds of foppishly dressed (in Janie's opinion) men and women were enjoying wine and little cocktail weenies. Charlotte gasped.

"Janie! Let's go potty! Here comes that guy that pinches our cheeks!" They both ran off, but were caught by Adara, who was munching on a shrimp-ka-bob.

"Where are you two going? I was just coming back to put you the bed!"

"We're leaving this awful place!" Janie folded her arms.

"Plus we wanna see Uncle Bruce!" Charlotte folded her arms as well.

"Okay then. Once Bruce arrives, _then_ you're going to bed. Understand?" The girls nodded. As if on cue, a helicopter whirred above the penthouse. The crowd went silent as it landed on the deck outside. Bruce stepped out with a sexy girl on each arm, and another to spare. Every gaped in awe as he walked by, head held high.

"Nice tan!" at one of the girls, who smiled at the adorable sight before her.

"Oh PUH-LEESE! It's totally spray on!" Charlotte flipped her hand through the air. The girl pursed her lips and looked away. They both burst out laughing. Bruce then talked about Harvey, which was really boring in their opinion. So they ran in to the bedroom part. Two people were second-basing it on Bruce's bed. EW, Janie said, as they ran away from half angry and startled looks, and right into Bruce and Harvey.

"WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!" Rachel exclaimed, looking at Bruce, who had Harvey in a half-Nelson. The girls decided the wasn't their battle. They tip-toed back into the party room, where you could see Adara looking around worriedly. A gun went off, and everyone cried as they ducked.

The Joker entered the room with a confident stride.

"Good evening ladies and gentlemen. We are tonight's entertainment!" Janie stiffened, and ducked remembering how they had encountered him in their "nice hobo" hunt. Charlotte sucked in her breath. The Joker made his way around the room, demanding if anyone knew where Harvey was. Janie was secretly concocting a brilliant escape plan, while Charlotte was figuring out what to do if he approached them.

"Okay, stop." Rachel's voice was not confident. The joker halted, and turned on his heels. He smiled maniacally, and smoothed his hair

"Why hello beautiful!" He circled her, looking at her like a prized pig. She flinched when he walked behind her.

"What are we going to do? That crazy clown will kill Auntie Rachel!" Janie whimpered.

"We have to escape somehow!" Charlotte breathed. She looked around, contemplating the possible escape routes. Someone came from behind, and covered Janie's mouth. She let out a little squeak, but breathed when she saw it was only Adara.

"Guys! We've got to get out of here without him seeing!!" Janie jumped when the joker pressed his switch blade to Rachel's face.

"THAT'S IT!!!" She yelled like Tarzan, and ran at the Joker. He turned to her in surprise, and grunted when she kicked him…well….you get it. Adara screamed, and wanted to run to her, but that probably wouldn't be a good idea. Charlotte chanted: JANIE! JANIE! JANIE! JANIE! Janie threw a punch in the Joker's stomach, but this time he remained motionless. She threw repetitive punches to his gut. Charlotte was swinging her fists, and still chanting. Janie kicked him….um….again, but this time, the joker picked her up, and looked in her eyes. Adara screamed again, and took a few steps forward. The Joker smiled at Adara in a creepy, lustful way, then turned his gaze on Janie, who was shaking and whimpering like a hurt puppy.

"A little fight in you. I like that." He sneered.

"Then you're gonna love me." Someone grunted, and a punch was thrown at the Joker's face. He tumbled away, dropping Janie on her back. Adara ran over as fast as one could in stilettos, and scooped her up. They were booking it for a the door, when Charlotte screamed, and pointed. The Joker was dangling Rachel out of the window.

"Let her go." Bruce…er….Batman grunted. The Joker's face contorted into one of confusion and smugness.

"Poor choice of words." He smirked, then laughed insanely as Rachel slid down the roof. Charlotte screamed, and grabbing Janie's hand, took off running. Before Adara could react, they had both jumped out, and were sliding down the roof. Realizing how stupid this was, they struggled desperately for something to grab onto….without success. They tumbled off the roof.

"Let's not do that again." Rachel panted, looking into Bruce's eyes. WHAM! The girls fell on top of them, making them release a gasp.

"WHAT THE HE-" Bruce growled

"Bruce!" Rachel cautioned

"Heck!" He corrected. "You could've been killed! Janie! What were you thinking?! Don't you ever run at him like that!!" He picked up both girls with his impressive strength, and looked up at the window. Adara had a hand on her chest, and was breathing heavily with relief.

"It isn't your fault! They're impossible!" He yelled up. She smiled. Putting them on the ground, and helping Rachel off the front of the car, he marched them across that road, and into the building.


	12. Chapter 12

_I'm sorry this chapter his a little stupid…I have really bad writer's block, plus I've been trying to figure out how to incorporate the girls into the funeral…which is harder than it seems. Thanks for your patience; hope I haven't lost any of you!_

_Cheers,_

_V.E._

_----back to the epic tale---_

It was early; too early to go to school. Bruce parked the car in front of the enormous brick building, and jumped out. He ran around, and helped the girls get out of the car. Holding each of them by one shoulder, he bent down.

"Okay listen. Last night, a very important man was killed by the Joker." He tried as hard as he could to sound serious, but not solemn.

"Commissioner Loeb drank his scotch, only to find that it had been laced with a rare, but fast working at toxic poison that killed him immediately." Charlotte retorted, looking at a fingernail casually. Bruce gaped at her, then shook his head.

"Er, anyway, you need to be on your best behavior. I know you were too old to go to daycare, but this is an Elementary school. You should feel better here with kids of your own age. But if I find out you've escaped, there's going to be trouble."

"But where's Adara?" Janie looked at him with those stupid angelic eyes.

"Um…she's headed to the Pocono's with her parents today. Now I'm serious. I've already talked to the Principal, and she's promised to treat you kindly. You'll see each other at lunch and recess but-"

_I'm too sexy for my shirt, too sexy for my shirt, too sexy for my shirt so sexy it hurts_

Bruce jumped, and fumbled to open his phone. While his back was turned, Janie and Charlotte whispered to each other;

"This place is going to be harder to escape from. I wanna see that funeral!" Charlotte hissed.

"Yes! We could hide in the laundry like in Annie!" Janie squealed. Charlotte stared at her incredulously.

"No. Let's see what recourses we have, and then concoct the most diabolically brilliant scheme ever!" Charlotte smiled evilly. Bruce turned around.

"Okay, let's hurry in."

………………………………………………………………………………………………

"Class, this is Carlotta." The teacher motioned to Charlotte monotonously. She was fairly tall, and about a million years old. There was a gigantic mole in the middle of her forehead. Basically the most ancient, ugly blob you've ever seen.

"Um, it's Charlotte."

"Whatever. Go sit by James." She snapped, pointing to a boy in the middle back of the room. He was probably a few months older than Charlotte, with angelic blond hair, and a light complexion. He smiled shyly, as did she.

"Hi. I'm James Gordon." He extended a hand, and she shook it.

"Charlotte."

"Okay. Today, we're supposed to be talking about prefixes. But instead, I think we should talk about the French Revolution." She fixed her glasses, and then put a picture of the Guillotine on the projector. "It's basically a bunch of men chopping each other's heads off, because they were mad at the Aristocrats. They later chopped the head off of the King and Queen. Now this is how the Guillotine works." She pushed a movie into the VCR, then walked to the back of the room. Charlotte leaned over to James.

"So, are you Lieutenant Gordon's son?" she whispered, keep her eyes fixed on the screen.

"Yeah. He's at a funeral today, you know."

"Yeah. Poor Commissioner Loeb! I saw the Joker last night! My little sister Janie tried to massacre him, but he's too big. Then Uncle Bru….I mean Batman saved her! And Auntie Rachel!" Funny, you know....how when you're in the presence of an attractive male/female, you tend to spill everything personal…..

"I think we need to get to the funeral. It's better than here." James stuck his tongue out. Charlotte nodded in agreement.

"We have to get my sister though. At recess, we'll escape!" Charlotte pounded her fist into her open hand.

…………………………

Not twenty minutes later, Charlotte, Janie, and James were bounding across the parking lot. The next street over was where the funeral was taking place.

"Now we have to be stealthy…see that alley over there?" Charlotte pointed. Janie had an awful flashback of their quest for a nice hobo…(shudders). James nodded. "From there we can observe the funeral from a closer proximity."

"Then we'll have to wander back in a rather speed-like way for the prevention of being discovered." James tapped his chin matter-of-a-factly. The two children looked into each other's eyes, then nodded, and looked at Janie. She stared at them quizzically, then rolled her eyes and walked to the edge of the office building. Peeking around the edge with a James Bond-like air to her, she scouted out the safest route. Did I mention Janie had been born with an acute sense of planning things to a 'T', and uses it for demonic purposes? Oh I didn't? That sucks… well….she possess them all right.

"See that dumpster over there? We'll have to work fast, but the garbage truck usually comes at noon for it, and it's twelve thirty, so we can hide it in! Then exactly six minutes after that, the laundry man for the hotel adjacent to the dumpster will come out with a laundry cart, which we can hide in while he returns inside the get his detergent. He'll roll us to the street where the funeral procession is taking place." Charlotte smiled, and nodded in agreement. James just looked stunned.

……………………….

"Ready? BREAK!" Climbing out of the cart as quickly as humanly possible for young children, they assessed the situation before realizing that they were literally in the middle of the funeral; before them, paw bearers were wheeling the cart down the road, and a ton of soldiers were following rhythmically. The children looked at Janie, whose eyes darted around, searching desperately for something…

"Got it!" She yelled, pointing at a giant platform with a podium on it. "We'll hide behind that until it's over, then I'll get us back to school!" It's funny how they're so brilliant about things like this, but they aren't really thinking that the teachers have probably already noticed their absence…the irony. They ran like tiny bullets, and threw themselves behind the stage.

…………………

Bruce started as the window drape burst open. He looked through the window, and…..

(Insert expletive of your choice here) He wanted to kill those girls. Yes, they were here, running like little bullets toward the stage. And there was a cute little blond boy with them who was holding Charlotte's hand. Tee hee

The soldiers cocked their rifles, and fired into the air.

………………..

Janie screamed when a bullet zinged past her head. James threw his tiny arms around Charlotte, and pulled her to the ground. Janie pulled herself down as well. There was the sound of screaming, and vehicles screeching to a halt. Someone ran past them, and they all looked up. He wasn't identifiable, but there were some weird marks by his lips, and up his cheeks. He looked really…smug? Charlotte looked up at James.

"Thank you James." She whispered. He blushed.

"You can call me Jimmy…"

"CAN WE MOVE ON?!" Janie sounded really panicked. She practically tripped over herself trying to get up. Jimmy pulled Charlotte up, and they followed Janie as she practically streaked across the zoo-like scene, and back to the alleyway.

………………….

"So how was school?" Bruce sounded suspicious as he shoved a pork chop into his mouth. Both girls displayed angelic eyes.

"Wonderful! My teacher is named Miss Dove! She's very nice!" Janie gushed. Bruce put his fork down.

"Okay cut the crap." They were sitting in the penthouse, inhaling pork chops. Alfred was stirring some chocolate mousse pudding. Adara was still with her family. Bruce put his fork down. The girls didn't lose their perfect faces. "I saw you running around the funeral with that little boy…" He looked directly at Charlotte, her cheeks turned a little red, but she didn't crack. He glared at them. "Okay, you can stop. I know you were there. I saw you." They looked down guiltily.

"I'm sorry Uncle Bruce……" was all Janie said. Charlotte mumbled something unintelligible.

"Go to bed." Bruce shoved some stuffing into his mouth. They both rose up. "Not now! You need to finish your dinner. Plus Alfred makes excellent mousse! And I heard something from Rachel that's interesting, so tomorrow you'll need to rise early." The girls nodded, and didn't say another word for the rest of the night, except for a compliment to Alfred.


	13. Chapter 13

Bruce stood silently as the elevator descended. Janie and Charlotte had looks of fascination on their faces. When it reached the bottom, both of the girls' faces fell. Sheesh, Janie thought, you'd think Batman's hideout would be more high tech…Before them was a gigantic concrete room, with no windows, but bright lights. The only things the room contained, were a desk with computer monitors, and a furnace (which Alfred was stuffing papers into). Bruce turned to the girls.

"I'm DEAD serious. Don't. Touch. Anything." And without a backward glance, he walked over to Alfred, who showed him a file.

"This too sir?"

"Anything that could lead back to Rachel or Lucius." The conversation continued while Janie and Charlotte examined the desk. There were no papers on it, but about five large screens with surveillance tapes playing all together. The girls leaned in, trying to figure out…

"GAH!!" Janie screamed, falling backward when the Joker's ugly mug appeared on the screen larger than life, looking smug as he delivered his ultimatum. Bruce and Alfred started, looking over at her. She was sprawled across the ground, her eyes wide and staring ahead. Charlotte laughed, and leaning over her, asked: "You all right?" Janie didn't move, but looked at Charlotte incredulously.

"Alfred, you know that friend in the forest in Burma, with the Ruby…how did you find him?" Bruce asked after a minute, when he was sure the girls' attention was directed elsewhere. Alfred tossed another file into the furnace, and looked at Bruce.

"We burned the whole forest down." Alfred breathed. Bruce opened his mouth to speak, but turned toward the girls, who were staring at them a look of confusion and shock. Alfred cleared his throat, and Bruce looked down.

"Morbid…." Janie muttered after a moment of silence.

……………………………………………………………………………………………....

"I assure you, everything is being done!" Harvey exclaimed desperately. For once in his life, Bruce actually pitied Harvey. From his view in the crowd, Harvey seemed determined, and a little taken aback by the crowd's reaction. Few cameras clicked, and almost no questions were asked. Some press conference…

"Take the Batman into custody!" Harvey yelled. The police took a step forward. Bruce looked down, preparing himself for major humiliation. "I am the Batman." Harvey held his head high; the look on his face was smug and dignified. Bruce stood dumbly, trying to comprehend what had just happened.

……………………………………………………………………………………………....

The second Bruce walked into the penthouse, he was nearly killed.

"UNCLE BRUCE!! I THOUGHT YOU WERE THE BATMAN!! I DON'T UNDERSTAND!" Janie screamed dramatically.

"Yeah! I'm confused!" Charlotte jumped on Bruce's back.

"Don't worry, so am I…" Bruce muttered.


	14. Chapter 14

I AM SO SORRY FOR THE DELAY!!! READ ON!!!

-Ignominious Evanescent Scribe

_The police should be driving by in a few minutes with Dent in an armored car. Until then, I should just stay put. Knowing the Joker, he's going to do something spontaneous, like, gee, I don't know…_blowing up_ the car! _

Bruce thought bitter thoughts like this, along with many others whilst, once again, his foot was itching to hit the gas. When you're sitting on top of a friggin' cheetah of all cars, one can't resist to take advantage of it's 20 cylinder, 1000 horse power engine.

_BANG!  
_

In the distance, a gunshot fired against metal. That was his cue. Bruce couldn't help smiling as he sped down the deserted highway toward the banging, which had now been taken over by rapid gunshots, and what sounded like a bazooka. Bruce used every fiber of concentration that currently existed in his being to figure out where it was.

"HI UNCLE BRUCE!!!" Yelled the all to familiar voice. Bruce yelped, and floored the brake. Two little girls, one with jet black hair, and the other with brown flew forward, and hit the dashboard. Oddly, neither of them were hurt.

"WHAT THE #%* ARE YOU DOING?! WHERE'S ADARA?! WHY AREN'T YOU HOME?!" Bruce felt a vein in his forehead pulse rapidly. Janie smiled that stupid, innocent smile, and replied angelically;

"Well, Alfred came home, so we're here, and he's watching a Soap." Gah, she sounded intelligent. "And I feel extremely uncomfortable when you use such language." She added sweetly, patting his hand, which was clenched around the steering wheel. Bruce opened his mouth, but nothing came out. He just sat there stuttering like a moron, until finally, Charlotte spoke.

"You'd better stop while you're behind, Uncle Bruce, and go get the Joker. Now drive." She said in her I'm-More-Superior-Than-You-So-Shut-Up voice. Bruce groaned, knowing that there was no way in heaven or hell he'd get the girls out of the car. Taking advantage of the mini-tank's power, Bruce glided down the highway silently. After ten minutes of awkward silence, Bruce piped up.

"Err….so how was school today?" He asked without peeling his eyes off of the road.

"Wonderful! Today I learned about…or…..more like reviewed addition. My teacher promised that I would get special education for my abilities, because everyone in this vehicle knows that things like that are way below my level." Janie looked at her cuticles casually. Charlotte, on the other hand, just mumbled, "Good."

"You're just saying that because you don't want Uncle Bruce to know about _James…_" Janie taunted, whilst Charlotte turned a brilliant shade of crimson.

"Ah. Taken a fancy to a boy, have we? What's his last name. Maybe his father works at Wayne Indus-"

"His father doesn't work there silly! His father is Lieutenant Gordon!" Janie waved a hand in front of her, as if to say 'it's no big deal'. Bruce felt every muscle inside of him seize up.

"James Gordon Jr.?" He asked airily. Janie nodded, and Bruce inhaled. "Ladies, do you know what happened to James' father?" The Girls' shook their heads. "Well…..the other day, you know, at the funeral? Um….you were there, so you heard the gunshot? Well……that was directed at the mayor. But a man jumped in front of the bullet, and in the process lost his life. That was James' father." There was an eerie silence, which was broken by a sob from Charlotte.

Bruce pulled over, and looked at the girls.

"I'm dropping you off here. You NEED to leave NOW! I can't let you be here! It's too dangerous! I know that you don't want to leave, or that you can protect yourself, but I just can't lose you to such a maniac!" He was breathing rapidly now.

There was another awkward silence.

"That was random….." Janie muttered, before climbing out of the car. Bruce sped off, leaving the two girls looking shocked. He knew in his heart that they would get home safely, because they were freaking brilliant.

………………………………………………………………………………………………

"The Federal Bureau of Investigation is now transporting the dangerous masked vigilante to a more secure jail, where he will be held until his trial next week." Said the female news reporter in a monotone.

"Sheesh! By the time she said 'Federal Bureau of Investigation', the joker will have already blown up the car!" cried Janie, scooping chocolate chunky mint ice-cream into her mouth.

Charlotte and Janie had, in fact, made it back to the penthouse to find an angry, and impressed Alfred waiting for them. They were now enjoying the evening news, and a bowl of ice cream.

"We've just received word that the Joker is attacking the vehicle containing the masked vigilante." She said again, still monotonous.

"Would it kill her to say batman?!" Charlotte yelled. The girls both swallowed an angry gulp of ice cream.

"I'm sorry Alfred. I just had to come here again to see the girls." A voice whispered in the kitchen. The girl's heads whipped around.

"AUNTIE RACHEL!!" Janie screamed. She gently placed her ice cream on the coffee table, and tackled Rachel. Charlotte soon followed, until several hugs and kisses had been exchanged.

"Why didn't Bruce tell them _he_ is batman?! I don't understand!!" Janie cried. Rachel laughed, then wrapped her arm around Janie.

"Darling, Bruce loves batman too much to give him up. It's an ego thing. All men have it." She muttered, right as Alfred entered the room.

"Gee. Thanks madam." He mumbled, turning his back, obviously pretending to be offended. Charlotte giggled. Rachel checked her watch, and rose to her feet.

"Okay girls. I'm sorry, but I have to get home." After another exchange of hugs and kisses, Rachel departed.

"Let's follow her to make sure she gets to her car safely!" Janie whispered.

"Definitely!"

………………………………………………………………………………………………

"Ew! It stinks here!" Janie held her nose.

The girls were now hiding behind trash cans behind Bruce's building, where Rachel had just left the building, and was now making her way to the back where her car was parked.

Suddenly, a musty white van pulled up, and out jumped three clowns. Rachel yelped, and turned to run. But three fit clowns are definitely going to beat a lawyer in stilettos. They wrapped their arms around her, and began to drag her toward the van. Janie let out a scream, but Charlotte slapped her.

But it was too late.

One of the clowns had noticed, and stormed toward the trash can.

"Well well well…what do we have here? Two little eavesdroppers! The boss won't like that!" He grabbed the both of them by the scruff of their necks, and threw them in the van.

"HEEELLLLPPPP!!!!!!!!!" Janie screeched.


End file.
